We left Italy and were now working in Ohio. I thought everything was fine, but for him it was not. He stated he had been sexually frustrated for some time. I explained that it wasn’t all my fault, but, it was his mean attitude and facial expressions that had pushed me away from him sexually. Though he never physically hurt me, mentally his words were destroying me. This was another issue that made me retreat to my shell when it came to sex. There was constant “putting me down” with his words; this cause me to concentrate more on my work than him. Yes, this may have been the wrong thing to do, but I had to do something to keep my sanity. Then to be told that I wasn’t taking care of my children! this really took the cake. He stated often that from the beginning of our marriage I wasn’t taking care of him the way he desired. I felt this was not true because due to circumstances I did the best that I could. Since this was his third marriage, I felt as if I was being compared to his previous spouses.
While in Ohio, the phone at our house would ring, and when I answered, the young lady would ask for my husband. This had happened several times before she asked who I was. I said, “his wife, may I ask whose calling?” She said, “This is Sharon.” I asked him who Sharon was and he stated that she was someone that he was with while in Italy. My mouth hit the floor. I was devastated. How could the man that I loved do such a thing to me? From this encounter, a little boy was conceived. This really hurt me because he wanted badly for our youngest child to be a boy. And when the ultrasound revealed that it was a girl, he was upset. Sharon would say things like “I am having his son because you can’t!”
In 2003, I had been married for 6 years. We all know that marriage isn’t perfect, but in my eyes, mine wasn’t that bad. In fact, if you had asked anyone, they would tell you that I praised my family in the public eye, but in reality, my marriage was falling apart right before my eyes.
After this my husband expected me to just throw in the towel and leave. I refused to allow the enemy to destroy my marriage, so I asked him to come and sit with me and talk; and if his desire was to be with Sharon, I would let him go freely. My children and I would be alright no matter what happened, but he wanted to prove that he wasn’t a dead beat dad, so he tried to do everything for Sharon before his son was born. These actions placed a strain on our family because he would leave and neglect us, as if he didn’t care. . He said he wanted to be with us, but his actions revealed just the opposite of that .
In 2004, we went to lunch and after I finished eating, I found it difficult to breathe. He took me to the emergency room and left. He didn’t even come back to check on me. The doctors revealed that I was pregnant, but the fetus was erupting in my tube. It was an ectopic pregnancy. I had to be rushed to the OR. The doctor said if I hadn’t gone to the hospital then, I would have died. After surgery, I called my mother. She immediately drove to Ohio from South Carolina to be with me. I was hospitalized for 4 days and my husband only came to see me once. His excuse was that I had my mother there, but the phone records later revealed that while I was in the hospital, he was on the phone with Sharon for hours the entire time I was away. I was crushed! I had no one to talk to and I didn’t have a church home at that time.
I looked to the Lord in prayer for guidance. Even though this had happened to me, I was still questioning whether it time for me to go? The marriage vows I made before God I held sacred, but obviously he did not. There were times I would just cry and ask the Lord, “Why me? What did I do?” But, I decided that I would still try to make it work, even though he wasn’t.
In 2005, we both were sent to Iraq. While there, he was diagnosed with cancer. The tumor was removed so I returned to my unit in Iraq, and he went back to Ohio. Three months after surgery, it came back. This time he had to go through extensive chemo-therapy alone, because I was in the desert, but it was there in the desert that I truly cried out to the Lord for help. My relief was the Gospel Service there. The five fold ministry was evident there; Apostle, Prophet, Evangelist, Pastor, and Teacher.
The desert is where I was really “pruned” by God. Not only was I dealing with my husband having a son, but now I was dealing with him going through cancer alone. [Or so I thought.] There were some days that I would just cry and lay on the alter while the ministers prayed over me.
I was in church 5-6 days a week. It was my safe haven when I wasn’t at work. It was there I cried out for God to open the eyes of my understanding and help me through this time of trouble in my marriage. Attending the Gospel Service and being a part of the choir really helped me cope with what I was dealing with in my life. From “New Believers” Class on Monday, Women’s or Men’s Fellowship on Tuesday, Bible study on Wednesday; Choir rehearsal on Thursday and Saturday; Joy Night on Friday to the Gospel Service on Sunday, was truly a blessing for me during this time. It was during my desert experience, that I opened up to a woman of God. She was the only one that knew my real story. I call her “My Evangelist” because I could feel the presence of the Lord on her a mile away. When she was in my sight or I gave her a hug, I could feel the spirit of the Lord on her. She prayed for me on several occasions. She would sit with me and tell me that if I truly loved my husband I was going to have to let go and let God. After months of being there and being counseled by “my Evangelist,” I decided that I was going to forgive my husband and accept his son. I love “my Evangelist” for getting me through that rough time. I felt a weight off my shoulders and my walk with the Lord was enhanced while in the desert. It was so awesome!
Sadly, two months before I was about to return home, I got some crushing news. My husband, via webcam, told me he had something to tell me. He said he would wait until I came home to tell me face to face. I typed back “there is no way you are not telling now!” So he proceeded to tell me that he had another son that was the same age as our youngest child. He was born two months after our child. And he had been in this relationship for about three years. Through the webcam, he saw me scream and throw stuff around my room. I was hurt more than ever. I just wanted to run as far away as I could. It was late in the night, and I couldn’t find “My Evangelist” to vent. I sat and thought after I chose to forgive him for the son that I knew about first, how in the world could I forgive him for this?
Sadly, two months before I was about to return home, I got some crushing news. My husband, via webcam, told me he had something to tell me. He said he would wait until I came home to tell me face to face. I typed back “There is no way you are not telling now!” He proceeded to tell me that he had had another son that was the same age as our youngest child. He was born two months after our child. And he had been in this relationship for about three years. Through the webcam, he saw me scream and throw stuff around my room. I was hurt more than ever. I just wanted to run as far away as I could. It was late in the night, and I couldn’t find “My Evangelist” to vent. I sat and thought after I chose to forgive him for the son that I knew about first, how in the world could I forgive him for this?? After I had the church praying for him while he was going through cancer, how could he do this to me? I began to cry again and say “Lord, why me and my marriage?” My husband apologized for keeping this deception for years. Now, an outside person would think “How didn’t she know?” I had no clue because he was taking care of home, Sharon and Sheila too. There wasn’t a point where he had over night trips or stayed out all night. He played the game very well. The next day, I found “My Evangelist” and told her. All I could do is cry in her arms because she had seen my breakthrough. I wondered “Why me again Lord?” She just prayed and told me to be strong and to keep the faith. In the natural, that was really hard, but spiritually I had grown stronger in the Lord. I again said I would stay and accept that child too. Physically, I knew I could do it, but emotionally it would be hard. How could I stand to look at my husband after he cheated and had two sons by two different women? He had always told me that I was his sunshine and that he loved me. But after this, how could I believe such words? I remembered “My Evangelist” talking to me and saying again to be strong and keep your faith. I explained how I wanted a son so bad. Even though he had sons by his ex-wife, he always wanted a son with me. And over the years, we had only daughters. So when these two other sons came along, I took it as a slap in my face. I was truly hurt deep inside. And I knew that only the Lord would bring me out of such turmoil. I also knew that the Lord wouldn’t put more on me that I could bare. She told me that vengeance is the Lord’s and not mine. She also told me be patient and ask God seek the Lord for guidance.
I gathered myself and in the next couple of days, I was able to talk to my husband again. He thought that this time I would definitely leave him. But I felt that I invested too much of my life into my marriage to just walk away. It took a lot of prayer and faith in God. For a while there, my husband didn’t know what he wanted to do. He realized that the grass wasn’t always greener on the other side. These women were just filling the sexual void that he had with me. But in every other aspect, I was still the one for him. By no means am I apologizing for his actions. God was dealing with him as well. When he was going through his cancer treatment, none of these women were around when he needed them at that time. And I was in the desert. Oh, did I mention where the cancer was? In his testacles, which he took as a sign from God telling him that he was wrong for betraying me. It took everything in me not to react in the natural. I kept my faith in God and said that I would continue to stay in my marriage. At the end of 2005, I returned home from the desert. At first, it was hard to even look at him. He is a very attractive and handsome man. Yes, I forgave him, but in reality it was really hard to forget. And to know that it was done in my house, in my bed, while my children were there. I hated that my children were exposed to his selfish behavior. And the children knew it was wrong too because they weren’t mommy. I was angry that he didn’t have enough will power to stay strong and committed to our vows. And he had the nerve to expect me to come back and be the way I used to be. Oh, I admit he felt the cold shoulder. I just couldn’t love and kiss on him like before. Yes, this was wrong, since I decided to forgive him and stay. So I asked God for help in that department because I am human. I couldn’t listen to outside man, friends or family. And “My Evangelist” wasn’t at my house to counsel me anymore. I would have to do this on my own with God’s help. I would email her though to let her know how I was doing. She would keep on telling me to keep my faith in God and everything else would fall into place. “Trust in the Lord!” she would say. After I got myself together, things were starting to get better. But unfortunately, another obstacle came my way to hinder my happiness. In 2006, I found out that there was another baby. This time it was girl. Her mother was Amy, the same woman who had had the son the same age as our youngest. I truly wanted to creep back into a shell, but I went ahead and accepted her as well. I know you’re wondering why, after 3 children later?? Yes, he hurt me very deep, but he was a great father to our children. And still part of me loved him in spite of all this. Stupid, huh? You would just have to be in my shoes to understand.
In the same year, Amy had to go to the desert. He felt obligated to take care of the two children while she was away. He decided to get them without even asking me. This upset me but later we talked and thought it was best for the children. They stayed with us for a year. I did not hurt, harm or endanger them in anyway. I took care of them as if they were my own. The girl was six months and the boy was three. When Amy returned, she got them back quickly and didn’t even say thanks. Not that I expected her to do so. When this period was done and over, we concentrated on getting our marriage back together. I found a church home for the girls and me, and he occasionally came. I wasn’t trying to push church on him. The girls and I really enjoyed the church we were attending and we later joined. I needed a church home badly; and it was exactly what my family needed at that time. Sometimes I would still get upset because I never had the son he always wanted, and the moment he stepped out of our house, he had two by two different women. After his cancer, the doctors said he would be sterile for the rest of his life. So I came to terms of just having my daughters. And since I had an ectopic pregnancy, leaving me with just one fallopian tube, what would be the chances of me having another child anyway? Our life together was continuing to progress, except for the occasional baby momma drama. He took care of each and every child financially and saw them when he could. But these women were bitter because he chose to stay with me, his wife. And I had chosen to stay with him as well. I said to myself what God has put together, let no man put asunder. And I had truly believed that. Even though I went through all this turmoil, I was still going to try and keep it together. And if my husband ever said the word, I would let him go freely without any problems. I wanted him to be happy, even if it meant without me.
To our surprise in 2007, we found out that I was pregnant! I couldn’t believe it! All of man said it would be impossible. But my God, what did God say? To God Be the Glory! He has blessed me with a son. I immediately emailed “My Evangelist” and she said that since I was patient and waited on the Lord, He granted me my heart’s desire, just as He did Hannah when she took her eyes off of the problem and had single eyed vision on the Lord.
Truly the Lord is good and His mercies endureth forever. My husband said that we are now complete and said he was proud of me for bearing his son. He is so excited. I am too. Like I said before I always wanted a son and now that is exactly what the Lord gave me. When you stay strong in the Lord, keep your faith and perseverance, no stronghold will be able to hold you down. I have never been happier. My life is back on track, I have a wonderful church home, and my marriage is getting stronger everyday. So as I close let me give you some advice for your future, just put your trust in God, He will renew your strength. And He will see you through any situation. You can’t waste your time listening to friends, family, or outsiders. You must listen to God! He will give you all the guidance you need. Look at me and all that I have gone through! I am a living testimony of what God can do when you wait on him and keep the faith. He is truly a an awesome God! Praise Be to God!!
A Humbled Servant